Having one or both parents remarry is a common issue in modern society. The remarriage may be the result of divorce, death of a parent, or a single parent who has found a new partner. Whatever the cause, it can be difficult, frustrating, and confusing to watch a parent marry another person. Handling a parent’s remarriage can be emotional as the face of the family is taking on a different appearance; however, using these coping mechanisms will help the transition feel more natural.

First, know that, whether it is your mother, father, or both that are remarrying, they still love you exactly the same. They have found someone new to love in addition to you, not in replacement. You may not agree with their choice, or that they remarried at all, but you must realize that the choice is theirs, not yours. Your main concern should be the happiness of your parents.

Next, resolve any anger you may feel toward your new stepparent. Remember that this person is not your new father or mother. You already have a mom and dad, and your new stepfather or stepmother is not replacing your mom or dad, nor do they want to. It is okay to be angry about the death of one of your parents, or your parents divorcing and remarrying, but it is not okay to direct that anger toward your new stepparent.

Make a special effort to welcome him or her into the family. Your new stepparent is probably just as uncomfortable around you as you are around him or her. He or she is stepping into an already established family and is looking for a place to fit in. Find common ground or a common interest, something you can talk about, or an activity you can enjoy together. Treat him or her with respect and you will be treated the same way in return.

Lastly, get to know your stepparent as a person. Your stepparent is a person with his or her own interests, family, beliefs and opinions. Before writing him or her off, why not sit down and find out more about them?

Learning to appreciate and respect your stepparent rather than resenting them will help you feel better about your parent remarrying. Families are not a formula, but a group of people that learn to love and care for each other, even when the circumstances don’t meant expectations. Solace Counseling offers individual and family counseling sessions to assist you in difficult times. Our psychologists support you in dealing with personal and family issues. For more information, check us out on Facebook and Twitter.